Life can take interesting turns.. everybody probably knows the saying: “where one door closes, another one opens”. Well, I can tell you that this is definitely true:)
For reasons I will not be discussing here, I ended up going on a weekend break to Glasgow on my own, instead of with someone else. I was not at all prepared for it, and therefore had not prepared anything as to what I was going to do, see etc. I never really do, but usually when I go somewhere alone, the fact that I am alone is something I wanted. In this case, it just happened. Although I was a bit unsure what I was going to do in this city being alone, I decided I still wanted to go, since I’ve always wanted to go back to Scotland. I had no expectations of the city really, besides it being large and culturally interesting. I can tell you, it has totally captured me and had me falling for it the minute I arrived.
The thing is, usually when you travel, the actual traveling can go by in a sort of blur because you’ve been there, done that. But this time, because I had no idea what was going to happen and I was thrown to my own instincts I was fully aware of every second. Sitting on the train to Amsterdam from Antwerp, I felt weird. Excited but also a bit sad for the change in plans. I was so aware of every minute going by, so aware of every song playing in my earphones, so aware of every stop at the stations we passed. I felt totally alive. Once on the plane I kind of asked a higher power (whatever that might be) to guide me and help me to meet interesting people, so my stay would be worthwhile. Funny enough, on the plane I was so amused by the fact that it seemed to be filled with older men, almost no women. Looking around me I noticed funny things: (1 of maybe 3 on the plane) a woman passed by in the aisle, with really big boobs, and basically every mans attention was drawn to it, but in such an unaware state that it was hilarious. Men obviously do not realize that they do this. It was so funny seeing all those heads turning. A grown man was watching a Harry Potter movie on his IPad, the one where they escape Gringotts on the back of a dragon. The man sitting on the other side of the aisle was trying really hard not to fall asleep but didn’t succeed so his head constantly fell to his breast. We where not far from Glasgow when the guy sitting next to me on my side needed to go to the toilet I think, so he got up. I left my seat but he couldn’t go anywhere because there where stewardesses blocking each direction. I smiled at him and told him he could at least have thrown away his rubbish in the bins they were pushing towards us. He chuckled and a conversation had begun. He asked me first what I was coming to Glasgow for and after me explaining, I asked him about himself. He was a professional golfer, just back from Barcelona where he had finished 35 (out of 70 something). I have never met a professional golfer so highly interested I asked him all kinds of questions. It turned out to be a really pleasant conversation. I asked him for some tips of what to do in the city, and he gave me some.
The bus to the city center left the airport every 10 minutes so I did not have to wait long and I found out that my hotel was basically 200 yards from the bus station at the end of the route. Happy and excited, I got off the bus, turned into the street of the hotel and came to the first crossroads. There, I saw a man and woman wanting to cross the street at a red light (which most people in Glasgow apparently do) and smiled at the woman, because she didn’t dare to go when he ran across the streets. She smiled back and I made a comment about men being stupid and she laughed and agreed with me. She asked me whether I had just arrived and I replied with an answer about my situation. She instantly asked me whether I wanted to have a drink with her and her brother. I did, and so my Glasgow adventure began.. :D
It turns out that this young lady is so similar to me in many ways, we ended up going out together, having breakfast together, enjoying the city and the Christmas market together and having hours of good conversations over cups of English breakfast tea with milk and fudge on the side. It’s just awesom how you meet kindred spirits if you’re open to it and I can honestly say that I am so happy that my plans changed, because I feel like they’ve changed for the better! Since I’ve found out that most of my “issues” are actually not real issues, but it is just a difference in being, which has a name, which explains so many things that used to frustrate me so much, I have found some kind of confidence or inner strength, that I can hardly explain. Things are finally coming together for me, the job that makes me happy and keeps me motivated, the apartment which will be all mine, the car that will give me freedom, the beautiful people I am lucky to be able to surround myself with. Some “issues” will always remain, because there at things that happened which have defined me and in some cases changed/damaged me. But apart from that, I am finding my way a little bit more with each step that I take. I realize that there will always be the hard days. But there are also the good ones, the days like these that make me feel alive and so greatful for being able to be me, healthy, safe and in a position where I get to go places and meet beautiful people. As long as I accept me as I am, with both the good things and the bad, work on what I can change and try to enjoy life as much as possible, I’m going to be ok. Even if I don’t know which way to go, I believe that either my feet will find their way, or the road will find me.
There is so much shit in this world, I often feel like how can I be happy, when so many people don’t ever have a chance. Well, I have realized that, whether I am happy or sad, how I feel does not change their situation. All I can do is make the most of what I have been given, because I HAVE got the chance. I Just try to be the best possible version of me. On my good days I try to be a little light for the people around me. I try to accept the bad days and let the man happen, because I have learnt that the more you try to fight that, the longer they take. And honestly, if you want to, you can find a little bit of beauty in the bad days as well. Even if it is only tiny. Because as long as you have a roof over your head, food on the plate and people who care, you are still so much better off than most people on this fucked up planet. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen darker days than many people will ever know, because a mind like this one does not help. But I have always tried to get into the light, because I wanted to live, not just exist. I still make many mistakes, but at least I try. And it gets better as the years go by. Hopefully when I am old and grey (grey has already kicked in, and old is catching up quickly;) I get to look back and only feel regret about things I’ve done, not about things I haven’t done which I might have wanted.
Even though I often cannot stand human beings, I love meeting the nice ones in between:) because spending good moments with good people is what makes life worth living. I once saw a quote saying: “happiness is not real unless shared”. I don’t fully agree with that, because you can feel great happiness being on your own. But happiness that can be shared just feels ten times better:)
For all the people in my life who make my days worthwhile, thank you! For all the good people I’m still going to meet in life, can’t wait!
To my dearest dog: next time you’re coming with me to Scotland, because I have never seen so many dogs and dog loving people in my life, and you will love running around the magnificent Scottish nature until you are so tired I need to carry you:)
S.Y.K.
