Great minds think alike - Glasgow, my love

Life can take interesting turns.. everybody probably knows the saying: “where one door closes, another one opens”. Well, I can tell you that this is definitely true:)

For reasons I will not be discussing here, I ended up going on a weekend break to Glasgow on my own, instead of with someone else. I was not at all prepared for it, and therefore had not prepared anything as to what I was going to do, see etc. I never really do, but usually when I go somewhere alone, the fact that I am alone is something I wanted. In this case, it just happened. Although I was a bit unsure what I was going to do in this city being alone, I decided I still wanted to go, since I’ve always wanted to go back to Scotland. I had no expectations of the city really, besides it being large and culturally interesting. I can tell you, it has totally captured me and had me falling for it the minute I arrived.

The thing is, usually when you travel, the actual traveling can go by in a sort of blur because you’ve been there, done that. But this time, because I had no idea what was going to happen and I was thrown to my own instincts I was fully aware of every second. Sitting on the train to Amsterdam from Antwerp, I felt weird. Excited but also a bit sad for the change in plans. I was so aware of every minute going by, so aware of every song playing in my earphones, so aware of every stop at the stations we passed. I felt totally alive. Once on the plane I kind of asked a higher power (whatever that might be) to guide me and help me to meet interesting people, so my stay would be worthwhile. Funny enough, on the plane I was so amused by the fact that it seemed to be filled with older men, almost no women. Looking around me I noticed funny things: (1 of maybe 3 on the plane) a woman passed by in the aisle, with really big boobs, and basically every mans attention was drawn to it, but in such an unaware state that it was hilarious. Men obviously do not realize that they do this. It was so funny seeing all those heads turning. A grown man was watching a Harry Potter movie on his IPad, the one where they escape Gringotts on the back of a dragon. The man sitting on the other side of the aisle was trying really hard not to fall asleep but didn’t succeed so his head constantly fell to his breast. We where not far from Glasgow when the guy sitting next to me on my side needed to go to the toilet I think, so he got up. I left my seat but he couldn’t go anywhere because there where stewardesses blocking each direction. I smiled at him and told him he could at least have thrown away his rubbish in the bins they were pushing towards us. He chuckled and a conversation had begun. He asked me first what I was coming to Glasgow for and after me explaining, I asked him about himself. He was a professional golfer, just back from Barcelona where he had finished 35 (out of 70 something). I have never met a professional golfer so highly interested I asked him all kinds of questions. It turned out to be a really pleasant conversation. I asked him for some tips of what to do in the city, and he gave me some.

The bus to the city center left the airport every 10 minutes so I did not have to wait long and I found out that my hotel was basically 200 yards from the bus station at the end of the route. Happy and excited, I got off the bus, turned into the street of the hotel and came to the first crossroads. There, I saw a man and woman wanting to cross the street at a red light (which most people in Glasgow apparently do) and smiled at the woman, because she didn’t dare to go when he ran across the streets. She smiled back and I made a comment about men being stupid and she laughed and agreed with me. She asked me whether I had just arrived and I replied with an answer about my situation. She instantly asked me whether I wanted to have a drink with her and her brother. I did, and so my Glasgow adventure began.. :D

It turns out that this young lady is so similar to me in many ways, we ended up going out together, having breakfast together, enjoying the city and the Christmas market together and having hours of good conversations over cups of English breakfast tea with milk and fudge on the side. It’s just awesom how you meet kindred spirits if you’re open to it and I can honestly say that I am so happy that my plans changed, because I feel like they’ve changed for the better! Since I’ve found out that most of my “issues” are actually not real issues, but it is just a difference in being, which has a name, which explains so many things that used to frustrate me so much, I have found some kind of confidence or inner strength, that I can hardly explain. Things are finally coming together for me, the job that makes me happy and keeps me motivated, the apartment which will be all mine, the car that will give me freedom, the beautiful people I am lucky to be able to surround myself with. Some “issues” will always remain, because there at things that happened which have defined me and in some cases changed/damaged me. But apart from that, I am finding my way a little bit more with each step that I take. I realize that there will always be the hard days. But there are also the good ones, the days like these that make me feel alive and so greatful for being able to be me, healthy, safe and in a position where I get to go places and meet beautiful people. As long as I accept me as I am, with both the good things and the bad, work on what I can change and try to enjoy life as much as possible, I’m going to be ok. Even if I don’t know which way to go, I believe that either my feet will find their way, or the road will find me.

There is so much shit in this world, I often feel like how can I be happy, when so many people don’t ever have a chance. Well, I have realized that, whether I am happy or sad, how I feel does not change their situation. All I can do is make the most of what I have been given, because I HAVE got the chance. I Just try to be the best possible version of me. On my good days I try to be a little light for the people around me. I try to accept the bad days and let the man happen, because I have learnt that the more you try to fight that, the longer they take. And honestly, if you want to, you can find a little bit of beauty in the bad days as well. Even if it is only tiny. Because as long as you have a roof over your head, food on the plate and people who care, you are still so much better off than most people on this fucked up planet. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen darker days than many people will ever know, because a mind like this one does not help. But I have always tried to get into the light, because I wanted to live, not just exist. I still make many mistakes, but at least I try. And it gets better as the years go by. Hopefully when I am old and grey (grey has already kicked in, and old is catching up quickly;) I get to look back and only feel regret about things I’ve done, not about things I haven’t done which I might have wanted.

Even though I often cannot stand human beings, I love meeting the nice ones in between:) because spending good moments with good people is what makes life worth living. I once saw a quote saying:  “happiness is not real unless shared”. I don’t fully agree with that, because you can feel great happiness being on your own. But happiness that can be shared just feels ten times better:)

For all the people in my life who make my days worthwhile, thank you! For all the good people I’m still going to meet in life, can’t wait!

To my dearest dog: next time you’re coming with me to Scotland, because I have never seen so many dogs and dog loving people in my life, and you will love running around the magnificent Scottish nature until you are so tired I need to carry you:)

S.Y.K.

The restless warrior

Hi everybody,



It been a long time since I've shared my thoughts with you..


I often feel like my life is a constant battle. A battle against myself mostly. However hard I try, one step forward often means one or more backwards..


Yesterday I came back from a business trip to Switserland. Oh how I love my country! Walking around its streets with my boss, I felt so conflicted. There was such a special vibe there, totally different then where I live now. I loved it. I loved being there. It was one of many times that I even felt kind of angry with my mother for taking me out of Switserland when I was a child. What would my life have been like if I wouldn't have left? I realized that a part of me still wants to go back some day. I felt homesick when we got in the car to start our journey home.. But I am also very happy with my job and the friends I have, which I wouldn't want to miss for the world..


Later that day my dear friends came over and we talked about many things. One item being the fact that I need/want to move house sometime soon. I'm really looking forward to it, but it stresses me out at the same time. It will provide new opportunities and give me peace and quiet. It will give me my own home again, which I feel I really need.  But it also triggers my fear of commitment, BIGTIME. I haven't felt like this in a very long time! Since I've found out that I am a HSP, with possibly highly giftedness (not necessarily Einstein, but EQ), many things have become clear to me. All the things that have always made me feel like an alien amongst others, have a foundation. Knowing this, however, does not change the fact that I feel like I am on a constant roller coaster, which hardly gives me time to breathe.


I realise that most of my issues come from me, and only me. I know why I have them and I am constantly looking for ways to deal with them, and I do but it isn't easy at times. Today when I woke up I felt like I was being choked. I felt so uneasy and so not in peace with myself. After acknowledging how I felt, I tried to understand why I have these feelings today and then it hit me!


I feel like I've lost control. I'm not in control of almost everything that's going on in my life at the moment. Even if I can control some of them, it still feels like I am not in control. I'm not in control financially, I am not in control of the fact wether I will get a fixed contract at work. I am not in control of my damn car that is about to breakdown and I don't know what to do since I really need one, this one is not worht spending any more money on because it is old and I'm supposed to get a car from work end of next month. On Monday evening I will go and check out an appartment that I really want, but of which I have no idea whether I will get it, because there are more applicants and I have a dog.. Financially I am not strong at the moment which stresses me out, because I am going to need the money..


Anyway, in short, I am having kind of like a minor panic attack. I feel like I'm constantly battling myself, my feelings, my perfectionism which often triggers huge insecureness etc. etc. Add the fear of commitment to that and there you have the perfect combo to go mad! haha. The one moment I want this, the next I want that. How can you get a good result if you're not focused? How can you be focused if you never know what it is you really want? What if you want so many things that you just can't choose? I don't wan't to be tied down, but I need stability and a home at the same time..


I've met some really awesome, interesting people lately, who have made me aware of the fact that I still have so much to work on. That is a good thing, because I'd rather be consious about it and therefore be able to change things, than be ignorant. But it does not help someone like me to feel empowered and sure about myself. I always try to do the right thing, but I hardly ever feel like I'm succeeding. I need a break. I need to have this contract, I need a nice appartment for me and my dog to have a home again, I need a decent car which will give me freedom and peace of mind. I also need myself to calm down and create space in my constantly active mind to be able to grow.


Although I have never felt better, I suddenly realise that there is still a long way to go.. And maybe that means that I need to accept that I will never find what I think I'm looking for. I guess I need to stop comparing myself to others and start taking things one step at a time. I have my own path to follow and that is perfectly fine.


I think I need to accept that I am a restless warrior, and that I probably will be for the rest of my life. And instead of feeling frustrated about it, embrace the fact that it allows me to meet awesome and interesting people, gain new experiences and always keep working on being a better person. Because the world is fucked-up enough and needs happy people who actually genuinely care and are willing to change things for the better.


Enough about me and my neverending story. I wish every one of you a fantastic weekend, filled with fun, love and true happiness. Because if you want to see it, you can find beauty in almost everything.


S.Y.K.

Spring is in the air!

Oh what a wonderful day it was! Finally after weeks of grey, rainy weather the sun came out! 

My day was filled with horses, friends and lovely, special heartwarming people who came to ride with us. The sun accompanied us on our walks and made everything so much more fun. I just love to do this so much. Every time a client tells me that they feel so safe and understood and I help them grow, it makes my heart jump.. It makes all the effort worthwhile. It helps sooth a wounded heart. And working with animals is so nice because they don't judge. They just tell me when there is something going on in the rider and I hold them a mirror. Together we talk about this and they always end the ride with a calmer soul and a smile on the face. Sometimes this takes a few sessions/rides, but in the end the result shows:)

It works for me too. That is how I can help them because I now how it feels. After a long day I'm dead tired, but it is to rewarding. Seeing a child's confidence grow because the horse does as she asks and hear them say that the horse they are riding is their favorite is just fantastic. We really do provide a "friend with four healthy legs".

I wish every person would try this once in their lives. If you are open to it, it can be so relaxing and teaching, because you always learn something.

I know that I would not be the same person today if I hadn't found this farm with this man and his beautiful horses a year ago.

Doing this helps me get through life when life sucks at times. Even now, where my heart is broken and my soul is hurt, I feel ok. I feel that there is a reason I exist. I haven't found the exact way to work with it from now on, but I'm getting there. It feels like a puzzle and all the pieces are there, some joined into part of the picture, some still upside down and waiting to be stuck into place.

I can't wait to go for long evening rides again and enjoy time with my favorite horse and all the other animals. I feel like I really need it to heal. That and my dear friends. Seeing spring turn up sure helps as well:) eating outside again! I love how the plants, trees and flowers come back to life (although the goat ate our tulips that we planted before winter came;p). I love how my cheeks are rosy from the sun. I love being really fysically tired.

I wish all of you a lovely spring. Please enjoy the butterflies, the birds singing, the trees turning greener day after day. Please treasure what we have. Let's not realize what we had when it is too late.

Lots of love

S.Y.K.

Book of love

This is not the original post with this title that I've wrote today. I wrote another one, because I needed to ventilate and I did not want to bother anyone with it. But I did not want to post it. It contains too much hurt. Nobody is waiting for a long story about someone else's heartache. Besides, it would be completely besides the point if the whole reason of writing a post is not to bother anyone, if you end up bothering everyone.

But I still wanted to post something. In this case I have really tried to keep it on the upside.

I was feeling so sad when I came home today. I feel like there is a giant hole in my life. I miss being able to love someone. Someone I have loved so dearly for quite some time. I still do, but I have nowhere to go with those emotions, so I tried to get rid of them. What usually helps is to cry my eyes out with a good movie. The other day it worked like a charm with "Hachi" one of the best movies made about the bond between a dog and his owner, ever. (we can argue about this statement later:). If you love dogs and are in need of crying your eyes out, it is a very good option. The other thing that really helps me is to listen to music. Not just any music though. No no, it has to be GOOD. Oldskool. If your name is me then for this occasion that would most likely be anything written by the hands of Mr. Ennio Morricone. What a genius. That music is not for every day, but for occasions like these, perfect. It grabs you by the throat and holds on until the tears just won't stop streaming. "Romanzo" (from: Novecento-1900) Pff. Brings back so many beautiful memories. Or the soundtrack of "The Mission". From the soul.

The beauty of it all is that feeling so sad about a love lost is that it was of the kind that was worth feeling so sad about. Which is something to be grateful of. The downside is that it makes you feel like shit for an undefined amount of time, which sucks. Yet, it was all ended in peace, which makes it one of the best reasons to feel sad, if you would have to choose.

What I hope is that I've learnt the lessons I've obviously had to learn from all this. It would be too unfair to get this far and have to let go in the end, if it were all for nothing.

I am thankful for all I've been given and for every second spent in your company.
To love is also to let go when needed.

The book of love has many pages and was written very long ago. It is not just black and white, but filled with bright colors.

S.Y.K.