Tossing and turning, sleepless nights, headache at the end of the day, bags under the eyes... recognise it?
I always say I'm not particularly good at anything. I'm a little bit good at many things. But I've finally found something. During the day, wherever I am, I ponder on about almost everything. It can be about something simple (nonetheless very important!!) like how I should have my hair cut, to something important like when's the best time to move out of my house. Thoughts go on and on in my head..
Whenever I talk to someone about this, we always end up saying the same: Let it go, do whatever you can do in the situation, then let it go. And this is basically true. But it is easier said then done. Sometimes these things just creep into your mind and keep you busy unawarely. These thoughts and worries are like worms. They somehow find their way into the crypts of your inner self and build a warm nest. Everytime you are confronted with something that triggers them, they start dancing like mad, keeping you up all night. In some occasions they grow on ya. You get so used to them being around that you start warming up to them. It's similar to that one ugly chair your grandma gave ya, which you absolutely dislike, but keep in your house because you can't give it away and all of a sudden you find that you're attached to it nonetheless.
What if the worms are really settled in? How do you get rid of them? What if you're really attached to them, like to the grandma's chair?
Let me first explain something, because I can hear some of you say, what do you mean by getting attached. Sometimes worrying about things goes unawarely. Yo hardly know that the thoughts you have are really worries. You hardly notice they wear you down. Most of the time, these are fairly negative thoughts. The worms go round and round in your head until they take you down in a downward spiral. Once you notice, you try to get back up again, but the more often you let them take you down, the harder it becomes to get back up again. It becomes like a pattern, a habit. And habits grow on ya. You get attached to them, and they're usually hard to change. It's easier to stick to a habit, pattern or thought that you know and are comfortable with, no matter how crappy it is, then to pick yourself up and open up to see things differently. That takes courage.
I know many people who are stuck in their habits, patterns and (negative) thoughts. If they are at all aware of their "worms", they find it extremely hard to break loose from them and make some neccessary changes. I myself have got enough worms to feed a pond full of fish for the next couple of years, and I know exactly how hard it is to get rid of the more or less negative thoughts and patterns. Don't get me wrong, I try really hard, and succeed many times. As I do really think it is sort of a choice you make, every day again and again. But I don't get it right all the time, and sometimes it'r better to accept your feelings and thoughts for a day, and try again the next. You need to be kind and loving to yourself, every now and then, especially if you have no one else to do that for you. Just try not to indulge and drown in them. Same goes for selfpity. Every now and then it's okay to feel sorry for yourself and deeply hate whatever deep and crappy shit you're going through. But it is important to get out of that circle again. Kick your own but every now and then and try to get back to every day life.
Sometimes, when I go somewhere, or meet someone interesting, it clears my soul and mind for a while, which really helps to let go for a while, and even see things differently. I can be a real pessimist. Sarcasm is my middle name and I find it hard to be around people who do not want to understand or see that life isn't all roses and butterflies. Again, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with those people, I admire them in a certain way and I think they are neccessary in society. But I myself can't always deal with them. That is maybe why I love nature so much. Nature calmes the soul if you let it. If you truly open up to the beauty of all the grand things nature has provided us with, it soothes your body, mind and soul. People can affect you with their energy, nature influences you positively if you let it do so.
Few days ago I was in Zeeland, the Netherlands, with one of my bestest friends. She comes from that area and wanted to show me where she comes from. I love being near the beach, so I agreed to come with her immediately. Honestly, it was raining all the way during our almost three hour ride on the train, but as soon as we set foot on her grounds, the sky cleared up and the sun came through. On Sunday we've had such a beautiful day. We had the best weather ever, clear blue skies, tiny clouds every now and then, sun was shining like mad and the wind wasn't to bad. We went to a nearby village, parked the car, took Simba and walked for at least three hours through the forest, dunes and on the beach. We made pictures of each other, the dog, the surroundings and they've really come out great. The light was exeptionally good and what they say about true beauty coming from the inside, well, amen to that! I haven't had such a great day since a long time (except from Dublin) and honestly, my soul feels clensed. I haven't thought any thoughts at all. Not one single thing went through my mind except admiration and appreciation for the beauty of the sea, the beaches, the trees, the dunes, my dearest, dearest dog and of course my dear friend.
What I mean to say is, if you feel like your thoughts and worries are almost like choking you, try getting away for a while. Even if it is only a walk in the park, or taking a massage or whatever, it really helps to break the pattern every now and then and get some much needed breath of fresh air.
During our weekend away, I got the chance to enjoy complete silence again, to breathe in the fresh sea air, feel the sand between my toes, feel the sensation of the cold cold water sort of numbening my feet, running against the wind playing with my dog, taking my breath away. All these little things have made me so happy and relaxed, you cannot imagine. I have slept like a baby since a long long time, and I can honestly say that I have had no worries whatsoever during that day.
So, I'd say, lets appreciate who we are, with all we have. Whoever God was, whether you believe in him or not, we are exactly the way we were meant to be. If there's anything we don't like about ourself and we can change it ourself, then lets try hard to do so. If we can't, lets let it go, because it won't change by worrying about it all the time, making ourself completely miserable. Lets look in the mirror and smile at ourselves, because there is always someone who is in a worse situation then we are. Lets pick ourselves up and kick our own buts every now and then, and try our best to live life to the fullest. And lets accept the days when everything just sucks bigtime and be kind to ourselves. I know it is hard. I know that it is easier said then done. But if you never try, you never know, just what you're worth.. as Coldplay sings it so spot on in their song Fix You.
I'll share some pictures of the weekend with you, so you can see for yourself how much it can do for you if you succeed. Seeing those pictures, you would probably never expect that I have been depressed for a while, and that I still have my issues. I don't think that in my case the "worms" will ever go away. But I can certainly manage and learn to control them. If that means I have to get away from everything every now and then, I will. If it means that I need some time alone, every now and then, I'll be alone. If it means that I have to accept lesser days, I will. But take it from me, If you try hard, and surround yourself with people who accept you and appreciate you the way you are, you'll make it. I have been working hard on getting back up on my feet, and I have never felt better. Doesn't mean I never have lesser days. I do. But the good days rule, and that's what counts.
Thank you dog, for putting up with my struggles, and for giving me a good reason to make the best of what I am every day. I love you.
Keep your head up, we'll show them how it's done!
Lots of love to you all,
S.Y.K.
I know many people who are stuck in their habits, patterns and (negative) thoughts. If they are at all aware of their "worms", they find it extremely hard to break loose from them and make some neccessary changes. I myself have got enough worms to feed a pond full of fish for the next couple of years, and I know exactly how hard it is to get rid of the more or less negative thoughts and patterns. Don't get me wrong, I try really hard, and succeed many times. As I do really think it is sort of a choice you make, every day again and again. But I don't get it right all the time, and sometimes it'r better to accept your feelings and thoughts for a day, and try again the next. You need to be kind and loving to yourself, every now and then, especially if you have no one else to do that for you. Just try not to indulge and drown in them. Same goes for selfpity. Every now and then it's okay to feel sorry for yourself and deeply hate whatever deep and crappy shit you're going through. But it is important to get out of that circle again. Kick your own but every now and then and try to get back to every day life.
Sometimes, when I go somewhere, or meet someone interesting, it clears my soul and mind for a while, which really helps to let go for a while, and even see things differently. I can be a real pessimist. Sarcasm is my middle name and I find it hard to be around people who do not want to understand or see that life isn't all roses and butterflies. Again, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with those people, I admire them in a certain way and I think they are neccessary in society. But I myself can't always deal with them. That is maybe why I love nature so much. Nature calmes the soul if you let it. If you truly open up to the beauty of all the grand things nature has provided us with, it soothes your body, mind and soul. People can affect you with their energy, nature influences you positively if you let it do so.
Few days ago I was in Zeeland, the Netherlands, with one of my bestest friends. She comes from that area and wanted to show me where she comes from. I love being near the beach, so I agreed to come with her immediately. Honestly, it was raining all the way during our almost three hour ride on the train, but as soon as we set foot on her grounds, the sky cleared up and the sun came through. On Sunday we've had such a beautiful day. We had the best weather ever, clear blue skies, tiny clouds every now and then, sun was shining like mad and the wind wasn't to bad. We went to a nearby village, parked the car, took Simba and walked for at least three hours through the forest, dunes and on the beach. We made pictures of each other, the dog, the surroundings and they've really come out great. The light was exeptionally good and what they say about true beauty coming from the inside, well, amen to that! I haven't had such a great day since a long time (except from Dublin) and honestly, my soul feels clensed. I haven't thought any thoughts at all. Not one single thing went through my mind except admiration and appreciation for the beauty of the sea, the beaches, the trees, the dunes, my dearest, dearest dog and of course my dear friend.
What I mean to say is, if you feel like your thoughts and worries are almost like choking you, try getting away for a while. Even if it is only a walk in the park, or taking a massage or whatever, it really helps to break the pattern every now and then and get some much needed breath of fresh air.
During our weekend away, I got the chance to enjoy complete silence again, to breathe in the fresh sea air, feel the sand between my toes, feel the sensation of the cold cold water sort of numbening my feet, running against the wind playing with my dog, taking my breath away. All these little things have made me so happy and relaxed, you cannot imagine. I have slept like a baby since a long long time, and I can honestly say that I have had no worries whatsoever during that day.
So, I'd say, lets appreciate who we are, with all we have. Whoever God was, whether you believe in him or not, we are exactly the way we were meant to be. If there's anything we don't like about ourself and we can change it ourself, then lets try hard to do so. If we can't, lets let it go, because it won't change by worrying about it all the time, making ourself completely miserable. Lets look in the mirror and smile at ourselves, because there is always someone who is in a worse situation then we are. Lets pick ourselves up and kick our own buts every now and then, and try our best to live life to the fullest. And lets accept the days when everything just sucks bigtime and be kind to ourselves. I know it is hard. I know that it is easier said then done. But if you never try, you never know, just what you're worth.. as Coldplay sings it so spot on in their song Fix You.
I'll share some pictures of the weekend with you, so you can see for yourself how much it can do for you if you succeed. Seeing those pictures, you would probably never expect that I have been depressed for a while, and that I still have my issues. I don't think that in my case the "worms" will ever go away. But I can certainly manage and learn to control them. If that means I have to get away from everything every now and then, I will. If it means that I need some time alone, every now and then, I'll be alone. If it means that I have to accept lesser days, I will. But take it from me, If you try hard, and surround yourself with people who accept you and appreciate you the way you are, you'll make it. I have been working hard on getting back up on my feet, and I have never felt better. Doesn't mean I never have lesser days. I do. But the good days rule, and that's what counts.
Thank you dog, for putting up with my struggles, and for giving me a good reason to make the best of what I am every day. I love you.
Keep your head up, we'll show them how it's done!
Lots of love to you all,
S.Y.K.
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