Women only:)

I'm a fool. I made that one mistake you're not supposed to make. The one thing everybody knows is stupid and most of us despise. I kinda fell for someone. And it sucks. Because it wasn't supposed to happen at all, let alone with the actual person I speak of. Everybody knows you're not supposed to fall for a guy you're just hanging out with randomly. It's a classic story which I definitely never intended to star in myself.

Why do so many women always fall for the wrong kind of guy? Many of us tend to be interested in type Jerk instead of type Sweet and Sincere.

I'm highly annoyed by myself, since I myself don't even want a relationship right now and I don't even believe in dating him for real. My head knows all this, but how do I explain this to my inner self? I know that there are many men out there who are far more capable of having an actual relationship and who probably care a lot more about everything about me.

It just eats me that meeting him in that special way, having a good time everything we see each other means nothing at all. I am just another random girl to him. Nothing special. Good enough for some fun and that's it. And that sucks. I'm better than that. Worth more than that. I've given it my best to show him that, but he doesn't care. It's so much easier for him to be this way. No commitment whatsoever. And who would blame him. That's the way he is. I respect that. But my emotions don't agree. It's my own stupid fault. I get too attached to people I care about. Wouldn't be the first time.

The thing that sucks most about this is that I start questioning myself instead of just accepting that the situation is as it is. I feel silly and naive. But I'm not. This time it isn't some kind of ego problem. This time I actually like him. But I also know that it is useless. I can do better than hoping for something that'll never happen. I can't blame him either. He has never promised anything. But that sucks even more actually. It means that you're not even worth lying to.

I meet really nice people all the time. I met one the other day. Really awesome dude as well. But those are the guys I keep at distance. Don't ask me why. I just do.

I guess it'll fade anyway. It always does. And that's a good thing. Because I don't want a relationship right now. Heck, I wouldn't know how to get it to work since I am leaving for six months in two months time. Besides, I love being alone as well. It's so easy and nice to do your own thing every day. I just hate that my emotions are betraying me. I didn't want to let anyone get to me. Specially not this dude.

Oh we'll, can't be perfect. Wouldn't be healthy, nor fun;)

For all the assertive, genuine and great woman out there who know exactly what I mean, let's keep our hopes up. It'll be alright. As long as we do not give up our goals and our own values. I certainly won't. It will cost me some inner strength, but I'll manage.

It's a fools world. And you know what? Big deal! There's plenty more important stuff to worry about. Good thing wrinkles used to stand for wisdom. I dig that. I'll have plenty of them when I'm old, since I'm awfully good at worrying;) haha.

Fine music, cup of apple tea and two of my bestest mates on the couch beside me. What more should I want? It's good the way it is. Amen.


S.Y.K.