Christmas blues

Only a few days left and I'm going to the coast, together with one of my friends and my dog. I can't wait to smell the fresh sea wind and feel my soul calm down by the sound and sight of the waves.. Besides that, I love seeing my dog's ears stand up in the wind and his smile when he pants into the wind.

I'm so looking forward to the silence that is so loud in that place. I can't wait to sleep on the really comfortable beds in the cottage we get to stay in. My friends parents were so kind to invite me to spend Christmas with them. That was really nice, and I'm really grateful, although it still feels weird not spending Christmas with my family.

This year I haven't got the Christmas feeling at all. I've put up some twinkly lights in my house, but that's about all the Christmas I've got. I just didn't feel like making an effort. What's the use if you're alone anyway. My dog sure as hell doesn't give a damn whether there is a tree, and to be honest, having a Christmas tree would probably only depress me at this moment.

I used to love Christmas. Christmas used to be fun. Well, not really, but the idea of Christmas used to be fun. My best Christmas I ever had was the one where I spent it with my ex-boyfriend and my dog. Just the three of us, few presents, a lovely meal and some genuine alone time (if ya know what I mean;)) was the best. And last year when I spent it with my friends in Switserland was awesome too. But however nice that is, it kinda feels a little bit weird anyways. To me, Christmas always feels like it should be about family and friends. But mostly family. Although I hate the standard family gatherings, there's something about the Christmas idea, that makes me feel sad about not having one big happy family and spending some time together..

But I guess most people feel crap around Christmas, specially old people, who are alone in their homes. No one visiting, no joy and happiness. Even families that pretend aren't happy. Most people hate the family come together. They feel obliged to be happy and merry around their kin. And I get that. Because most families aren't all that close at all. But despite the heavy dislikes, they go through with it nonetheless. Why? Why would you put yourself through that hassle and annoyment year after year?

I think I know why. Because even though you might strongly dislike the obliged family meals, the present giving etc. you would probably feel much more crap if you'd stay at home. The funny thing is, we want our Christmas to be perfect, no matter what we say and no matter how much we complain about the musts.. And the ideal picture of Christmas in our head is not the same without family.

I have a suggestion. Why not try to really make it a nice family Christmas this year. Genuinely put differences aside. The more clichés you use, but when I say that I mean really use, the better. Feck not having snow on Christmas. Feck having to eat turkey AGAIN! Try and love the people in your life even more this year. Because honestly, it's not that bad. There are so many lonely people out there. Specially during Christmas. There are so many orphan children who would give everything to have one of your crappy, obliged family get togethers. You have no idea. What about people in war zones. Even Muslims who do not celebrate Christmas get the idea. In fact, those irritating and annoying family members are people who you probably mean a whole lot to. And vice versa. It will never be completely without struggles, because you don't get to choose your family. And for some people, all the above does not really count either. Because they just can't make it work, no matter how hard they try. But you know, Christmas is what you choose to make of it. If this whole family thing just isn't it for you, or you just about had enough, try something else. Spend Christmas with your partner alone, make it worth while. Or her together with some friends and throw a party or just share a nice dinner and evening. And let's all think about the people who aren't so lucky. Who unfortunately will be sitting alone on Christmas Eve. AGAIN. Watching other people be happy. Or act happy, whichever you choose. I feel for them, because I happen to know exactly how it feels to be lonely at Christmas. And not just at Christmas anyways. It sucks, BIGTIME. I even know how it feels to feel lonely at Christmas even when you're surrounded by people. Because that can be even worse. But don't give up. There's still some light:)

I sure know that I will be dealing with this Christmas in my own way, and I'm fine with it. I'll walk my doggy along the beach and breathe in the salty air. Even when it rains I'll enjoy the silent falling of the drops touching the water and the sand. And I'll be smiling. Maybe with a tear in my eye every now and then, but that doesn't matter. Because if you've never had lows, you won't recognize the highs. And I happen to be grateful for everything I have. Because despite all the things I might not have, There is so much more that I do have. And that makes me happy. It makes me smile, even with tears in my eyes. It makes me want to love my future partner even more, and makes me enjoy the wiggling of my dogs tail more than I ever have.

So this year during Christmas, I want to be thankful, not unhappy and ungrateful. Not jealous and sad. No. This year I'm gona walk with my head held high and filled with all the good thoughts I will make the most of it.

Because I haven't gone to church once this advent, it feels to me as if Christmas is not even going to happen. Although it feels weird, I am happy I didn't go. Because my heart wouldn't have been in it. And I don't want to feel like a fake, sitting there. I sure miss the warmth and the strength I get from going, but if I don't genuinely feel committed or involved, I'd rather not go. I don't really dig people that go once a year because its Christmas. For what are ye there then anyway. So I'm not going this year. It will feel strange and uncomfortable. But maybe it will make me want to go next year, if I've found my own way in faith. If there is a God, he'll probably understand my hesitance anyway and give me the time and freedom to find my own way home.

So, to all my dear friends, family and people I haven't had the pleasure of meeting, I genuinely wish you all a really warm heartfelt Merry Christmas and hope that you get to spend it with whoever you like, wherever you like and that you will think about all the people who do not get to do that..

Love and light for you all.

S.Y.K.

Women only:)

I'm a fool. I made that one mistake you're not supposed to make. The one thing everybody knows is stupid and most of us despise. I kinda fell for someone. And it sucks. Because it wasn't supposed to happen at all, let alone with the actual person I speak of. Everybody knows you're not supposed to fall for a guy you're just hanging out with randomly. It's a classic story which I definitely never intended to star in myself.

Why do so many women always fall for the wrong kind of guy? Many of us tend to be interested in type Jerk instead of type Sweet and Sincere.

I'm highly annoyed by myself, since I myself don't even want a relationship right now and I don't even believe in dating him for real. My head knows all this, but how do I explain this to my inner self? I know that there are many men out there who are far more capable of having an actual relationship and who probably care a lot more about everything about me.

It just eats me that meeting him in that special way, having a good time everything we see each other means nothing at all. I am just another random girl to him. Nothing special. Good enough for some fun and that's it. And that sucks. I'm better than that. Worth more than that. I've given it my best to show him that, but he doesn't care. It's so much easier for him to be this way. No commitment whatsoever. And who would blame him. That's the way he is. I respect that. But my emotions don't agree. It's my own stupid fault. I get too attached to people I care about. Wouldn't be the first time.

The thing that sucks most about this is that I start questioning myself instead of just accepting that the situation is as it is. I feel silly and naive. But I'm not. This time it isn't some kind of ego problem. This time I actually like him. But I also know that it is useless. I can do better than hoping for something that'll never happen. I can't blame him either. He has never promised anything. But that sucks even more actually. It means that you're not even worth lying to.

I meet really nice people all the time. I met one the other day. Really awesome dude as well. But those are the guys I keep at distance. Don't ask me why. I just do.

I guess it'll fade anyway. It always does. And that's a good thing. Because I don't want a relationship right now. Heck, I wouldn't know how to get it to work since I am leaving for six months in two months time. Besides, I love being alone as well. It's so easy and nice to do your own thing every day. I just hate that my emotions are betraying me. I didn't want to let anyone get to me. Specially not this dude.

Oh we'll, can't be perfect. Wouldn't be healthy, nor fun;)

For all the assertive, genuine and great woman out there who know exactly what I mean, let's keep our hopes up. It'll be alright. As long as we do not give up our goals and our own values. I certainly won't. It will cost me some inner strength, but I'll manage.

It's a fools world. And you know what? Big deal! There's plenty more important stuff to worry about. Good thing wrinkles used to stand for wisdom. I dig that. I'll have plenty of them when I'm old, since I'm awfully good at worrying;) haha.

Fine music, cup of apple tea and two of my bestest mates on the couch beside me. What more should I want? It's good the way it is. Amen.


S.Y.K.

Two face

I feel weird. Divided in two. My life is going to change massively in the next couple of months, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm going to do my graduation internship abroad. This means that I have to give up the life I basically built up in the past two years here in Eindhoven.

This doesn't have to be a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't see it as a bad thing. I'm just having difficulties with how I feel about it. It has taken me so long to actually feel at home somewhere.. That I'm a bit reluctant to give it all up again. I have never lived anywhere longer than five years max.. I've never felt at home anywhere really. Not like completely. And I still don't.. But here in my tiny apartment in this city, my music on, it hits me kinda hard that it will take me a long time to get to this point again after leaving here.. And I know that feeling far to well.. It sucks.

Thing is, I have always wanted to travel and see the world. As soon as I love somewhere for a few years, heck months even I feel locked up and just need to get away from it for a while. That's just how I am. How I have become thanks to my parents who dragged me around as a kid. And I kinda got used to that.. And I really do want to travel and see the world. I have always wanted to live abroad on my own. Be different from the regular people around me living their regular lives. Don't ask me why but I hate following the herd. But now it just feels like I have to. And I strongly dislike having to do anything as well. Talk about complicated.

Anyways, I'll not go on and on about this:) I just really needed to get it off my chest. Everything will turn out to be fine, and I'll probably meet really exciting new people. Not to mention learn so much new stuff. Awesome!

Feel better already!


S.Y.K.

A breath of fresh seawind

If there were a Nobel Prize for Thinking, I'd be a winner!!

Tossing and turning, sleepless nights, headache at the end of the day, bags under the eyes... recognise it?

I always say I'm not particularly good at anything. I'm a little bit good at many things. But I've finally found something. During the day, wherever I am, I ponder on about almost everything. It can be about something simple (nonetheless very important!!) like how I should have my hair cut, to something important like when's the best time to move out of my house. Thoughts go on and on in my head.. 

Whenever I talk to someone about this, we always end up saying the same: Let it go, do whatever you can do in the situation, then let it go. And this is basically true. But it is easier said then done. Sometimes these things just creep into your mind and keep you busy unawarely. These thoughts and worries are like worms. They somehow find their way into the crypts of your inner self and build a warm nest. Everytime you are confronted with something that triggers them, they start dancing like mad, keeping you up all night. In some occasions they grow on ya. You get so used to them being around that you start warming up to them. It's similar to that one ugly chair your grandma gave ya, which you absolutely dislike, but keep in your house because you can't give it away and all of a sudden you find that you're attached to it nonetheless.

What if the worms are really settled in? How do you get rid of them? What if you're really attached to them, like to the grandma's chair?

Let me first explain something, because I can hear some of you say, what do you mean by getting attached. Sometimes worrying about things goes unawarely. Yo hardly know that the thoughts you have are really worries. You hardly notice they wear you down. Most of the time, these are fairly negative thoughts. The worms go round and round in your head until they take you down in a downward spiral. Once you notice, you try to get back up again, but the more often you let them take you down, the harder it becomes to get back up again. It becomes like a pattern, a habit. And habits grow on ya. You get attached to them, and they're usually hard to change. It's easier to stick to a habit, pattern or thought that you know and are comfortable with, no matter how crappy it is, then to pick yourself up and open up to see things differently. That takes courage.

I know many people who are stuck in their habits, patterns and (negative) thoughts. If they are at all aware of their "worms", they find it extremely hard to break loose from them and make some neccessary changes. I myself have got enough worms to feed a pond full of fish for the next couple of years, and I know exactly how hard it is to get rid of the more or less negative thoughts and patterns. Don't get me wrong, I try really hard, and succeed many times. As I do really think it is sort of a choice you make, every day again and again. But I don't get it right all the time, and sometimes it'r better to accept your feelings and thoughts for a day, and try again the next. You need to be kind and loving to yourself, every now and then, especially if you have no one else to do that for you. Just try not to indulge and drown in them. Same goes for selfpity. Every now and then it's okay to feel sorry for yourself and deeply hate whatever deep and crappy shit you're going through. But it is important to get out of that circle again. Kick your own but every now and then and try to get back to every day life.

Sometimes, when I go somewhere, or meet someone interesting, it clears my soul and mind for a while, which really helps to let go for a while, and even see things differently. I can be a real pessimist. Sarcasm is my middle name and I find it hard to be around people who do not want to understand or see that life isn't all roses and butterflies. Again, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with those people, I admire them in a certain way and I think they are neccessary in society. But I myself can't always deal with them. That is maybe why I love nature so much. Nature calmes the soul if you let it. If you truly open up to the beauty of all the grand things nature has provided us with, it soothes your body, mind and soul. People can affect you with their energy, nature influences you positively if you let it do so.

Few days ago I was in Zeeland, the Netherlands, with one of my bestest friends. She comes from that area and wanted to show me where she comes from. I love being near the beach, so I agreed to come with her immediately. Honestly, it was raining all the way during our almost three hour ride on the train, but as soon as we set foot on her grounds, the sky cleared up and the sun came through. On Sunday we've had such a beautiful day. We had the best weather ever, clear blue skies, tiny clouds every now and then, sun was shining like mad and the wind wasn't to bad. We went to a nearby village, parked the car, took Simba and walked for at least three hours through the forest, dunes and on the beach. We made pictures of each other, the dog, the surroundings and they've really come out great. The light was exeptionally good and what they say about true beauty coming from the inside, well, amen to that! I haven't had such a great day since a long time (except from Dublin) and honestly, my soul feels clensed. I haven't thought any thoughts at all. Not one single thing went through my mind except admiration and appreciation for the beauty of the sea, the beaches, the trees, the dunes, my dearest, dearest dog and of course my dear friend.

What I mean to say is, if you feel like your thoughts and worries are almost like choking you, try getting away for a while. Even if it is only a walk in the park, or taking a massage or whatever, it really helps to break the pattern every now and then and get some much needed breath of fresh air.

During our weekend away, I got the chance to enjoy complete silence again, to breathe in the fresh sea air, feel the sand between my toes, feel the sensation of the cold cold water sort of numbening my feet, running against the wind playing with my dog, taking my breath away. All these little things have made me so happy and relaxed, you cannot imagine. I have slept like a baby since a long long time, and I can honestly say that I have had no worries whatsoever during that day.

So, I'd say, lets appreciate who we are, with all we have. Whoever God was, whether you believe in him or not, we are exactly the way we were meant to be. If there's anything we don't like about ourself and we can change it ourself, then lets try hard to do so. If we can't, lets let it go, because it won't change by worrying about it all the time, making ourself completely miserable. Lets look in the mirror and smile at ourselves, because there is always someone who is in a worse situation then we are. Lets pick ourselves up and kick our own buts every now and then, and try our best to live life to the fullest. And lets accept the days when everything just sucks bigtime and be kind to ourselves. I know it is hard. I know that it is easier said then done. But if you never try, you never know, just what you're worth.. as Coldplay sings it so spot on in their song Fix You.

I'll share some pictures of the weekend with you, so you can see for yourself how much it can do for you if you succeed. Seeing those pictures, you would probably never expect that I have been depressed for a while, and that I still have my issues. I don't think that in my case the "worms" will ever go away. But I can certainly manage and learn to control them. If that means I have to get away from everything every now and then, I will. If it means that I need some time alone, every now and then, I'll be alone. If it means that I have to accept lesser days, I will. But take it from me, If you try hard, and surround yourself with people who accept you and appreciate you the way you are, you'll make it. I have been working hard on getting back up on my feet, and I have never felt better. Doesn't mean I never have lesser days. I do. But the good days rule, and that's what counts.

Thank you dog, for putting up with my struggles, and for giving me a good reason to make the best of what I am every day. I love you.

Keep your head up, we'll show them how it's done!

Lots of love to you all,

S.Y.K.

Speech is silver, silence is golden

When I started this blog, I thought I'd be talking about all kinds of interesting things, but it turns out, I'm not that interesting after all! Haha:D

Don't worry, once my internship starts, I'll have plenty to share with you guys, and that in the end is the most important reason why I wanted to write a blog anyways.

I've been thinking.. Is it just me or have we lost all sense of beauty in this world?! Not just beauty, but common sense is far away too.. It's all about commerciality.. It's either that, or the complete opposite where people become obsessed with being against this way of society and the system..

We spend so much time in front of the mirror, tossing and turning so to speak on how we look, worrying, which only increases the amount of wrinkles we so desperately try not to have.. But we haven't got time to let our loved ones know that we love and think about them. We are spinning like mad to get all the work done, because good heavens what if we miss this deal.. It will cost a fortune. And god forbid that there's some slacking, no no no, you have to always be on top of the game or you're gone. Plenty of fish in that puddle of mud we're turning the sea into.. And for what? Are we trying to gain the world record of most burned out people per country, or what?

Some band earns millions over a song called "where is the love", but did you actually completely and fully understand what that song was about? And how hypocrite it sounds sung by people who have too much money too spend? Honestly, I know it sounds like I'm judging, but I don't want to do that. Because that would be missing the point here.. It's just that, I would like to know what the hell is wrong with the human being..

My friends think I'm too serious about things. And maybe sometimes they're right. But, I honestly think sometimes, why does everything go on and on and on and on like this. Why are humans so selfish? So cruel? So ignorant? So weak? So disturbed? So cold?

How is it possible that we spend millions during Christmas when the big disappearing act begins once again called "serious request"? Money of which we have no idea where it actually went.. Probably didn't at all go where it was meant to.. And still feel like we have done something good..

In my head I can almost see the world as it looks like on cartoons, where the world is dark and gross, where people wear some kind of funky spacesuits and the only place where there is actual fresh air is the forest inside a big plastic bubble owned by few of the richest people still alive.. But you just laugh and tell me to be normal and stop being so negative.. That such a thing will never happen.. But how can you be so sure? In the past the people didn't think we would ever drive a car.. The way we're destroying everything that is still left what's genuinely natural I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up one day, bumping my head against the plastic cover over my head ensuring my oxygen supply..

Don't worry I didn' go mental on ye now, I'm just saying.. Where has the peace and quiet gone? Where did the birds go? Do you know what the eeriest thing about a warzone must be? The absolute quiet. No birds. You might never stop and listen, but if you do, you might notice the sound of birds during the day. What if that were gone?

The other day I was watching a kind of documentary about the Netherlands in earlier days.. How confronting the difference.. What I loved the most where the old faces.. The elderly people had such beautiful faces.. So full of character.. Full of wrinkles and lines.. Telling the story of their lives.. The wisdom of the years in the ponds of their eyes. Magnificent.

One of my best friends told me that she wanted to get a tattoo. We had been talking about that for a while and we both had a strong connection with the meaning behind our ideas. She wanted to get one of the triangled shape of M.C. Escher with the following words: "Ignorance is bliss" the funny thing is, that sentence has so much meaning to her, and I understand exactly why.. I don't even think that we both fully realize what that sentence really beholds.. I love it. I really hope she will get that tattoo one day, to give her exactly that little reminder she needs every now and then:) you're beautiful, not only outside, because true beauty lies within and you should follow your heart and not focus or listen to the people around you so much.. (Except me every now and then;):p you're stronger than you know, and you will make the world a better place in your own way, my friend. Take your time and believe in yourself. You're my friend and I believe in you. I will always be there, even when I'm not physically there for ye.. Get that tattoo, and let it remind you of the strength and all the Good things you carry inside every day. Buddy!

I could use a tattoo myself. We've spoken about that too. A little reminder for me to never forget to be kind instead of cruel, to smile instead of frown, to love instead of hate, to understand instead of judge, to give instead of take, to build instead of break down and to listen instead of talk all the time..

How nice would it be if I could set the example. For real. Like Jesus, regardless of whether he existed or not. If we'd all try a bit harder, we could actually make a difference. But we won't, nor will I. Unfortunately we're still human and therefore won't ever not hurt each other. I'll try to be the best I can be, I honestly will. But I can't fight the system either and since I'm not anything better then everyone else, It'll be trial and error.

How blessed would it be if we could just turn the world around us off for a while. Just switch the button off and take your time getting back in touch with who you really are.. And who you could be if you'd let go of the fear.. Back to a place where making mistakes doesn't mean that you are a faillure. Where the wrinkles in your skin represent experience and wisdom. Where knowing eyes are seen as a token of inner beauty. I'd sure as hell love to be able to switch the world off for a few minutes every now and then. Hear nothing but the birds singing for the day. Smell nothing but the fresh leaves just fallen from the trees. See nothing but the love in your lovers' eyes.

Unfortunately I have to burst my own bubble. Life rages on, and I don't think things will ever really change for the better. Sure, there must be progress, but we humans keep wanting more and more. Sky's the limit, I've heard them say.. Well, I'll tell you a secret.. They've even managed to go beyond. It wasn't enough to conquer the world. No, we want more. Always more. We want to put people on the moon and beyond, but we can't even provide the people on earth with proper homes, jobs, safety and food. I get tired of the ongoing controversy sometimes. Especially the controversy inside myself. Because I am no better. I also own an IPhone, although I hate that people have died during it's making. I wear the exact same clothes as all the rest is, although I know children get sick and abused during production. I hate it, but what can I do? I can't change the world on my own. And I sure as hell am too selfish myself to change into some kind of nature loving, animal hugging, veganist hippie.. Yes, I love animals and yes I love nature, but I am no better than anyone else. I hope I can contribute to good things every now and then. In the mean time I'll try to be as good a human I can be..

~Ignorance is bliss~

Amen to that

If you want to hear some awesome music listen to Tallest man on earth, I've been to his concert and speaking of life.. Honestly, turn of the world and listen for a while.. Might do you good:)

Love,

S.Y.K.

Winter

And then it was winter.. :) all of a sudden the temperature dropped from 20C last week to -2 at night yesterday. And I love it!

Need no more than the beautiful change of the color of the leaves on the trees and the fresher than fresh air to make me thoroughly happy.

I love the sound of the cracking leaves under my feet when I walk Simba in the park. The intense happy feeling when I see the first Christmas lights appearing in the windows of the people living in this city. How everyone wears their winter coats and starts putting on gloves and scarves..

I can't wait for the snow to fall.. That first snowflake always lifts my heart and makes me want to shout it out with joy.

Not to mention buying a Christmas tree.. Call me old fashioned and traditional.. I couldn't care less. Don't give a damn about presents or all the food and definitely not the whole family crap.. But oh that tree.. Just the smell of the tree, the glow of the lights, I love it!

The best is when you wake up in the morning, look out the window and see that the world has turned into this beautiful white playground, where you can imagine what the world must have been like before humans started destroying its pure beauty for a little while.

Can't explain how cool it would be to be able to ice skate on natural ice once again.. Not that that's going to happen since I live in The Netherlands and well, you can hardly rely on our weather:)

Sigh.. You don't have to ask me how I feel about the winter kicking in;) I love it!

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Xxx

S.Y.K.

Home sweet home?

What to do when your hart is torn in two?

What to do if you really don't know What to do and the choices you're about to make influence your entire life? Why can't I have some more time? What if you're on a crossroad, not knowing where to go? What if there are two very distinct roads that you can go on, and every one of them leads you to a completely different life? And what if both ways of life appeal to you in a completely different way?

I've loved every second of my stay here in Dublin, and I feel bad that I will be going back home tomorrow. But I also look forward to seeing my dog and my friends again. Sleeping in my own bed. On the one hand I love this city and I would love to live and work here for some time.. On the other hand I am working on a more stable life back in Holland. At this point I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in..

I'll try and enjoy as much of Dublin as I can as long as I'm still here today:)

At least I've found a true friend and I think that this friendship will last.. That's worth more than anything else in this crappy world.

It's funny how I can sometimes be so content but at times still searching for that meaning of life.

Joy and sorrow lie so close to each other. As do love and hate. Time flies and it's slipping through my fingers as we speak. I am so tired of myself.

I'll post some photo's of our trip, that's a lot better than my last day Dublin blues..;)

S.Y.K.

Our final days in Dubh linn

Our very fine trip to Dublin is unfortunately coming to an end so we're trying to get as much of the city as we can.. We will both be leaving here with a partially broken heart, for we are both completely in love with this city.. We are in a pub at this very moment called 'the old storehouse' and we've been here again and again for a couple of days now. The manager actually came to talk to us and joked that he has seen us more in the past couple of days, than he's seen his wife! Haha, funny guy.

My heart is torn in two, because I am beginning to build up a life back in the Netherlands, but I am also still loving the traveling and seeing places and meeting people. To make things worse, Karen and I have been talking about buying a property here in Dublin or Ireland in general and turning it into a successful little B&B. And to be completely honest, I'm kinda warming up to the idea of that.. Why can't I just divide myself into two and do both.

Why can life be so challenging, uncertain and contradictory when you're young?

Why do these things happen to me? The worst thing is, it feels like a heavy burden that I am going to have to choose sooner rather than later and I know so bloody well that it is a luxury problem.. I should feel really lucky, but right now it sucks more than anything..

Anyway, I'll try and at least enjoy my final days here with Karen, since she's been such a wonderful friend and travel buddy, I don't want to ruin her mood as well as mine.

Oops, I have to go, because we are going to listen to some live music sung by a friend of mine:)

One thing I know for sure: We will be back!

S.Y.K.

Truly, Madly, Deeply

I have been looking forward to this moment since I've been here in April.. I'm back in Dublin!!!:D I am absolutely in love with this beautiful city, in this wonderful country with its lovely and kind people!! They say it always rains in Ireland, but every time I'm here the sun shines like mad and warms my heart!

My beloved friend and Neighbour and I arrived here on Thursday. We installed ourselves in the B&B and got ready for for my old friends at Temple Bar. Unfortunately, our room at the B&B is not exactly what we had expected. Well actually it's not at all what we had expected, haha! The heater doesn't work, so we have been sleeping dressed up like Michelin puppets, and the continental breakfast wasn't that continental either. But you know, we're okay, because we're in Dublin, and we're having so much fun!!

Yesterday we bought some air freshener and some comfort foods, so we got through the night ok, but since only one of us can shower with warm water, getting up is not that much fun. As I'm typing this, I am lying in bed with my pajamas and socks on and a scarf around my neck!

But, the sun is shining and we're going to have another grand day in the city, looking forward to seeing my friends play again. Tomorrow we will be going to Wicklow Mountains, which is said to be one of the most beautiful areas of Ireland. We will be seeing the largest caves in Europe and one of the oldest castles in Ireland. Can't wait!!

I keep saying it: good friends are priceless! I could have never imagined that I would be going on holiday with a woman, and enjoy it to the fullest, without one rotten word or a mean streak. Thanks Matey, for being such a good friend, day after day:)!!

For all my readers, I have to get ready, because Dublin is calling and I'm still lagging behind in the warmth of my hotel bed;)

See ya! :D

S.Y.K.

An Enchanting Moment

't was monday and I had just made an appointment with an optician to have my eyes checked. I had to be there at three pm so I left my studymates and walked to the city center to the opticians'. After a short wait and the check-up I started trying out some glasses. I was told the sales woman would be with me any moment. After about a half a hour I was torn between three pairs of glasses and really couldn't decide which of them would come home with me. At some point this guy walked in and started looking around himself. Somehow I was fully aware of his presence but since I had already been standing there constantly switching three pairs of glasses on my head and the sales woman not yet being helpful, I had other things on my mind. At last she walked up to me apologizing for taking so long. She gave me her opinion but I still hesitated to pick one, because it does really determine ones' look, and I didn't feel like rushing it. Somehow te guy was looking at me every now and then, trying on glasses for himself. At one point he interferred in my conversation with the saleswoman giving his opinion on what I had just said. He stated the sometimes it was better to just go and eat an icecream and come back later to decide. I nodded smiling and mumbling something agreeingly, but went on fitting the glasses. At some point we couln't reach a verdict and so I turned to the guy, since he was watching me again, to ask him for his opinion on which glasses I should take. He gave an honest and rather serious reaction, but asked me why I didn't ask the sales lady to keep them all for a week so I could come back with a friend or something. Well what a good idea! I laughed and did as he said. Then, I was just about to leave the shop, I realized that this man could maybe use my help on deciding as well, since he had also been there for a while. I turned and asked him whether he beede my help, since he had been so kind in helping me. He then smiled again and said that he needed to go eat an icecream first and would then come back later to decide. I said "ok, no problem" and turned to the door. He then said "why don't you come with me, we'll have an icecream together!" I thought he was rather cute, and had a very appealing charisma, so I said "yes, why not" without thinking.

Once we had the icecream, we ofcourse had to either sit down at the icecream cafe, or walk back to the store or wherever, so we both decided on walking together. We had a great connection so he suddenly said: " do you know where we are going? Because I know.." I replied that I had no idea, since we were randomly walking in the direction of the station. He told me that we were going to the university site, because there was an exhibition of the World Press Photo contest winners. I thought by myself, well whatta ya know, this guy knows how to play this game!! I decided that t would be fun to go there, and at the same time get to know this guy a little better.

Once at the exhibition we found out that we had quite a lot in common, but had enough differences to be able to talk about many things. I enjoyed it and I am guessing that he was as well. After seeing all, we started walking back to the station and he told me where to go. We had the choice to either walk on a narrow sidewalk or on a much broader bicycle way. I said " I'll walk on the bicycle way." He then said: " so you're going to walk there and hinder all the cyclers and endanger yourself" with a grinn, saying that I was a bit different and all.. I then replied that I liked doing things different, that I wasn't going to walk on a very narrow sidewalk if I could walk on the broad cycle alley etc etc. Those of you who know me, probably recognise how I did, because they know I like to be stubborn and obstinate. All of a sudden he put his arm around me and kissed me full on the mouth. It wasn't just a little kissy, no! It was an unmistakable adult kiss!! Right there, on the cycle alley!! You can imagine that I was completely knocked off my feet and didn't quiet know where to look:) when he let go of me, I looked at his smiley face and he said: "Is this unconventional enough for ya?!"

It's a good thing I am a great bluffer, because honestly that had never happened to me before, and since I really kinda liked him and thought he was rather cute, I didn't know what to say. I blushed like mad and my friends know that I am seldom lost for words.

I bluffed my way around it and we walked on to the station. Once there, He asked me what we'd do next. So I told him that I didn't know what he was going to do, but since I have a dog, I had to go home and walk him. He said "well, then I'll come with ya and we'll wall him together". I thought ok, fine if that's what you want. I didn't care, he was interesting ánd he had just kissed me so yeah, ofcourse I'd like him to come with me.

The story goes on. We walked back into the city center and he asked if it was okay that we quickly stop at another optician to look at a pair of glasses that he had seen and that he wasn't completely sure of. I agreed and we went there. His bike stood in front of that shop anyway so it wasn't a detour at all. The moment we left the shop he kissed me again!! I jumped and asked him if this was normal to him, randomly kissing girls whenever he felt like it. He just smiled and said no, but he did do what he wanted every now and then though.

Well, I'll try and keep the story from gettin longer and longer. Eventually we've walked my dog together, we've ended up doing groceries together and sharing dinner together and finally he left the house at 12.30pm.

The good thing is, we've had a really nice time, talking and talking and time flew. We'll probably see each other again some time next week. He gave me his number for me to decide whether I wanted to keep in touch or not, which I found quite pleasant. After all, he kinda caught me off guard and I am not looking for a relationship anyways.

I can tell you that we have been on the phone yesterday and had a nice chat. So, to everyone who doesn't or didn't believe that things like these happen, they do! You just have to sometimes be open to other people. But ofcourse you should be careful as well, my guy turned out to be a genuinely honest and nice guy, but he's not perfect either and I told my neighbour that he was with me just to be sure.

Other than that, what better way is there to enjoy life to the fullest??!;)

Bis später!

S.Y.K.

With ups and downs

I know that some of you who will maybe read my blog will probably disagree or at least think differently on what I'm going to talk about today.. That's ok, I'm just sharing my thoughts!

There are days that I can look into à mirror and be happy with what I see. And I'm not talking about the looks, that is a different discussion. I'm talking about me. The human being I am. My personality and everything that came with that deal.

One day, my mother and father had sex. (sorry, unfortunately that's where this story begins;)) At that particular moment in time, my father's genes combined with my mother's genes which ultimately resulted in having à baby, alias ME.

Now, I can go in many different directions with this subject, because there is so much I could say about it. But today I am thinking about this: why do I have such a hard time being me.

I have three brothers, of which one is of the same flesh and blood. I find it incredible how he and I are so completely different, and yet made of the same stuff. Same parents, same genes and still so unbelievably different. Not only lookswise, but mostly personalitywise. When I was younger I used to think that he got it all.. That he pulled the long straw.. But now that I'm older and obviously wiser, I realize dat he has also got some flaws and things to work he definitely has some things to work out as well. The funny thing is, people always tell me that he always talks about me, and I know that there are several things he really admires in me.. And even though I don't see him much, I love him to bits and am really proud of him:)

My problem is that I feel so hopeless sometimes. I feel like an alien. I feel like everything is so useless. Our society is so not humane, so not healthy.. And on the other side so much like nature but in an unfair way. I'm not extremely good at anything. In fact, there is nothing I'm really Good at. I'm just a little bit Good at many things.

I'm so frustrated with myself right now. I can't get anything done, I don't feel like doing anything, I forget important things and choose to not do things deliberately, even though I should havo done them long ago, and I am bound to do myself wrong by not doing them.

"People are not lazy, they just have insufficiënt goals" some famous person once wrote. How right he is in my case. Problem is, this society doesn't always let you make your own goals.. There hardly isn't any room for mistakes.. Make one wrong decision and screw yourself for the next couple of years. Our fantastic government doesn't really help either.. And to think that I live in a relatively relaxed country, where there are at least choices to make. Omg, why do I hold myself back so much, and why do I have so much difficulties with getting things done and out of my way..

I could have had such a different life right now.. Question is, Would I have been happier? Will I ever find inner peace? Will I ever have a job that contributes to a better world (if such a thing exists) instead of breaking it down? Will I ever do something which makes me want to get up in the morning, and let me be content at the end of the day?

Why do people always sigh and roll their eyes whenever I say that I want to do something good, and not contribute to all the bad in the world. Is that so weird? Do all the other people ignore the fact that they are mere followers in a herd? Going in a direction where few people get sickening rich and most earn just enough to pay te bills.. I know that I am in this system as well, and I know that I unwillingly contribute to it every single say. But is it so weird that I wish I didn't have to? That people did not get killed manufacturing the IPhone I am using this very moment to actually write this blog? That the people who made the clothes I wear by working much too hard, actually earned some decent money instead of near to nothing, making few people very rich? I am defenitely not better than any of them followers. Because I am in that herd as well. Maybe as much at the edges as I can, but nonetheless in that goddamn herd. The reason is, I don't think that I can change the world by myself. Heck, I don't think the world can be changed at all. Because we don't really want it to change. Because we're used to it this way. And let's face it, we are in à luxury position as well. We don't really need it to change. I wouldn't even know how to change it. Because there will always be selfishness, and arrogance. There will always be the urge to be bigger and better than the other. There will always be hatred. And disease.. I know that. Many of the people I know, don't like it when I talk about this. They don't want me to think about this. They maybe don't even agree with me on this. And I get that. Because it can be scary and cofronting. And it can make a person way too depressed. But I am just being realistic.. And I like to sometimes express that I think about these things. Because if I let them thoughts out, it clears up in my head. It makes room for more positive thinking. I want to stay humble, and appreciate life and all living things. I want to experience love and give love, because it is one of the things that keep me going. I want to see the beauty in things. I want to appreciate friendship and cherish it. I want to be able to give without expecting or wanting anything back. To be able to do all this, I think you need to be able to know the other side as well. Maybe that doesn't go for everyone, because there are genuinely Nice and good people on this planet, but most of us have à shadowside, with not so good characteristics.

Sometimes it is hard to do what you have to do, even if you know that it will help you in the future. Specially if what you have to do feels so useless most of the time. Well, due to the choices I and some other people in my life made in the past, I have to push myself to follow the herd for another while, until I can hopefully set myself sufficiënt goals. And make at least a tiny part of this world a better place..

:)

The ironic thing is.. If we would all use our herd-following instinct in a positive way, doing positive things, to change the world for the better, it could theoretically be possible..

Because I don't want to make my few "followers" feel bad and ruin their days, I want to end this post with something positive:)

Let's all do something nice for someone else tomorrow, let's let go of our anger and sorrow. Let's smile at each other and brighten up someone elses day by being helpful or just kind. Let's enjoy the good things even more ab be grateful for them, and let's help each other get through the bad..

Lot of love for all,

S.Y.K

ps I'm going to get myself together tomorrow, and make sure I get some important stuff done. Because talking about it is real Nice and everything, but I have to start doing something for real!;)

Brainstorm

Have you ever felt insufficiënt?

I feel insufficiënt all the time since I'm enrolled in a new study program where I'm supposed to found a company and come up with product ideas. I used to have so many, may I say, Good ideas, but now that I need them, they're nowhere to be found!!

I'm actually in class right now hurting my brain hoping that it will produce something good and usefull.. Unfortunately, that doesn't work. The best way to come up with ideas is to do something cool or relaxing with your mates.

So.. We went to Hizmet, to eat some Dürum and Döner;) didn't bring us that one fantastic idea, but a filled stomach is not bad either for the moment.

I'm sorry for being absent for a few days but now you know why!

I've started painting again by the way.. And I love it!! It's so nice to be able to just let everything go and let your hands do the work for you.

Anyway, I'm going back to my inventing..

See you again soon!!

S.Y.K.

Allthough I Would have loved to stay in Switserland a little longer, it is good to be home again. I love having Simba around and starting and ending my day with a walk:)

I miss Nelly already, but we've had a really nice week together and I've got renewed energy to do the things I have to do.

I've read a book when I was there: Numerology- Dan Millman. Very interesting. I've read it before when I visited Nelly, but everytime I read something new which catches my eye. The thing I find particularly interesting about this book is that it doesn't make you feel like someone is forcing something on you. It just shows another view on us as humans. You don't have to believe in what it says. It's just interesting. I for me found many interesting and familiar things in it. And whether I really believe it or not is not important, because it has inspired me to live my life the way I think is good for me. I will start painting again, I'll take more time to walk Simba and do sports. I'll finish the studies I am doing right now so I'll at least have a diploma. And after that I'll just see what will come my way. Thank god I am master of my life, and make choices of my own.

Every day is a choice. Will I get up? And if I get up, will I go to school/work? Will I do this with a sad or a happy face? Will I try and make the best of it or am I gona be miserable all day because I don't really want to be there? And if I realise that what I am doing makes me so miserable, then why don't I do something about it? I know very well that this is easier said than done, but in the end, this is what it comes down to. Sometimes you're in a less fortunate situation, which you can't instantly change. Then why not try and make the best of it? Instead of being miserable all the time.. Maybe later things will change for the better, you knever know. I do know that you won't be able to see that if you are busy hating it so much, though.

( I'm not talking about horrible situations that are being forced on you, don't get me wrong!)

I have let crappy things and very rotten feelings get to me far too long in my life. I'm not saying I shouldn't have.. Everything that's happened has made me stronger and more determined to live life and wear a smile. It still hurts and sucks sometimes, and I don't think that will ever go away entirely. I've just found a way to deal with it. I've made a choice: accept the situation and make the best of it, work hard and enjoy all the good things. Or let it get to me and bother me every day. Haunt me in my sleep and wear me out completely. I chose to deal with my problems, accept that some things in life will never change, no matter how much you would want them to or how hard you try. The hardest part was to accept the harsh fact that I am the only person who will have to make myself happy. Because no one else will do so. I am the only one responsable for my life and how I live it. Same goes for the lives of others. I have had such à hard time letting go and accepting that I couldn't change or help particular people in my life. There is nothing more painful than seeing someone make him or herself miserable, or being captured in a situation that makes them unhappy, even though they don't see this, or don't want to see it. It is so cruel to have to watch and not be able to do something. Because you love them so much. But you just cannot change people, or help them change or deal with à situation differently if they don't want to:( The hardest part is letting them go.. Accepting that it will not change. Accepting that they choose to live their life this way, even though you (and maybe they too) know that it could be so much better..

I learnt the hard way, but thank God for those great and loving people who have helped me get through this myself by just being there for me. By listening to me whenever I needed to get it off my chest. For all those times I just sat there and cried. For all those moments where we just listened to music together thinking about life. And thank God for my dearest dog, who has forced me gently to genuinely look into the mirror and reflect. To get up every day. Who has helped me see and enjoy those little things in life which make life worth living.

I know these thoughts and the pain will keep visiting me every now and then. But I don't care. I know that there are à few people who will be there for me. And I know I can get through and see the sun shine again.

I really look forward to starting painting again. I look forward to doing things that make me feel peaceful and at ease. My little holiday was like a cleansing for my soul. To get away from everything which was blocking my energy and spirit and just breathe.. Mmm. I recommand it to everyone who has the chance. My grandfather always used to say: where there is à will, there is à way.. And I think he is right. I'm not saying that that way is always easy. I actually think it mostly is not easy at all. On the contrary. But why should that be a bad thing? Why not beat some challenges along the way? Some say: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you are willing to take a real look in that mirror, and dare to accept the challenge, I think you're already half way there. Everybody has minor faults in their personalities. But every weakness can be turned into a strength if you try and look at it differently:) as long as you keep working on it, you'll be fine:)

While I'm writing this I'm listening to this song: little secrets by Chamberlin. I love that song:) listen to it and feel the vibe.. Maybe we can listen to it together someday and think about life and smile at each other, me smoking my pipe and you having a sip of that grand raspberry liqour I brought home with me from Suisse:)

Sleep tight mateys, see yous next time!

S.Y.K.

Big Yellow Digger

I love being on holiday. I love having good weather during my holidays, when It's nice and warm and sunny. I have absolutely no problem with getting a nice walnut tan. But oh my god do I hate the insects that come with these things!! Unfortunately for me , have I got sweet blood. These horrible little creatures called mosquitoes are absolutely in love with me. I think they are one of few who have managed to get to almost every part of my body.. and left a mark!! Thank you very much, horrible little things! NOT!!

And if things couldn't get any worse, these flies, who are usually just annoying, happen to love my blood as much!! G'damnit!!! I knew that flies could sting, but lay your fecking little stingers on someone else, for crying out loud!!! That I love this country so much doesn't mean that I want to look like it, with all the colours and the humps!! Grrr..

Anyway, as you might have understood already, I did not have such à great night last night, because of my little flying, soon not to be alive, friends. And to make things worse, last night was so increadably hot, both inside the house as outside, that it was impossible to sleep anyway. And as an icing on the cake, a harsh thunderstorm came around 01.00am. The wind made the whole house shiver and creach, and it was both magnificent and a bit scary, because I have never experienced such à fierce thunderstorm. Felt like a hurricane had hit us.

Luckily, yesterday was a really nice day, in which I finally got to buying a pipe!!:D I was so exited, and still am, and can't wait to have a smoke with my dear friend Nelly:) Since I am still a woman, I bought some light mango tobacco with it, and some filters. I don't want to instantly get myself some lung cancer if I don't have to. I know it is stupid to start smoking a pipe anyway, but humans were made to do stupid things, and since I am quite à good girl all round, I figured it wouldn't be too bad to enjoy myself a little smoke every now and then. I can see myself smoking whenever I really miss Nelly and the calming, healing ambiance of Switserland.

Also, smoking my pipe brings back very good memories of someone who has meant a lot to Nelly, her family and me and it somehow makes me feel like he is still around. I feel that way anyway, but when we smoke it is a bit like honouring and remembering him, and just thinking about that makes my heart glow.. :)

I have the same feeling with cigars. My dad used to smoke cigars, and I used to love that smell. Now, whenever I smell the scent of cigars, I feel like that little girl who sat with her father, him smoking a little cigar..

I haven't seen my father for 17 years, until I came to visit him thanks to my cousin Thesi, three years ago. I've only seen him once since and speak to him only every now and then whenever we both can and feel like it, via Skype. Thing is, since my parents got divorced, I haven't really gotten the chance to know him.. And I've always wanted to.. I really wanted to know who the other half of me belonged to..
But somehow, now that I have the chance to get to know him better and maybe even see him this very week I don't really know how to handle this..

I love him to bits, but I really don't know him, and I find it hard to just step into his life and be there.. It must be weird for him too, since I left as a small kiddo, and all of a sudden I'm a full-grown adult. I don't often talk about this, but it does get on my mind every now and then and I honestly mean it when I say that I would love to know everything about him. But when it gets to te point where I should really give him a call, or like now would maybe even have the chance to meet him again, It's not that easy.. I don't know what's holding me back.. Maybe I just can't really, or don't want to really accept the fact that the days that we've lost will never come back. I have longed so much for a dad who Would sit with me and listen to my stories about school, who would be proud and protective of his only daughter and stuff, when I was younger, and I have to accept that those times are over. I will never have that. It can just as much be that even when he would have been around, he wouldn't even have done that.. So I know that it is stupid to unawarely hold on to this. I know like no other that I should go on and make the most out of the time that is still given.. Same goes for my grandparents and cousins..

I want them to know that even though I sometimes can't bring myself to visiting them, I still love them very much and time will come when I will definitely visit them as much as I can! I just hope that it won't be too late..

I've known a song, which others will most likely not feel the same about, but which has great meaning to me.. You should maybe listen to it and try and understand how I sometimes miss having that dad, missing the one I have, and also missing the one I could have had if that person would have seen it as a gift rather than a nuisance.. I can cry when I hear that song, for all the children in the world who do not get to see, or do not even have loving parents, who always have their best interests at heart. I can cry for al the people who have had loving parents but who lost them.. You know, that's the beauty of a song.. Of all arts.. That even when the text doesn't exactly say all this, this is what it says. Or can say.. Same goed for paintings, photographs, etc. The one who creates, often doesn't even know how much his creation says to people. That's the beauty of it. If there is a God, he must have known.. To have gifted some of his human beings with the talent to help, comfort, astonish, bring love, peace, calme and all the other feelings to one another:)

That is exactly why I love nature so much. And animals. My dog. Maybe that is why I love Switserland so much. It always seems as if the people here try to live as much in harmony with nature as they possibly can. No, they are not better of perfect, but they cherish their land, and I love that. The way they keep their graveyards looking beautiful and looked after, the way they are proud of their homes and decorate them with beautiful flowers.. The way they treat their cattle with respect, let them out and about, care for their animals.. That's why I love being here. Love being surrounded by them cowbells all day long when at Nelly's home.. I love being with his family, who was once almost mine.. I love having a good laugh with Nelly about something simple, when we're both tired and annoyed by the heat and the insects and maybe even a bit tipsy when we've enjoyed a glass ( or maybe two;) at dinner. I love everything here, and I don't feel like going home next saturday at all..

I still haven't decided whether I am going to visit my grandparents and my dad.. But I do know that I love them, and that I absolutely want to see them again.

Btw, the song you should listen is called: JCB- Nizlopi. Maybe you will understand what I mean with that.. Maybe not.

I will think about this moment every time I will have a smoke, and I will smile.. :D because we are blessed. Blessed with everything we have, everything that has been given to us. As long as we accept that we are who we are, and that things just do happen to us, good and bad. We've all got flaws in our personality, which we should and can work on, to make us stronger, to make us wiser. If we do that, if we listen to our body, and to the needs of our soul, we can be genuinely happy and content, and live everyday to the max. Without holdig back, without being scared to love or be loved. Without being scared that something bad will happen, or change. Bad things do happen, and some things will change.. No matter how many or little chances we take.

I for me, can honestly say, if I were to have a heart attack right now, or die of something else, I would be absolutely ok with it, because I think I have learnt and I have understood which things are important in life. Doesn't mean that I am perfect now, and that I will never question love of anyone again in my life. I will, and I will also make mistakes. But I will be aware of it, of myself and my being and I will always keep working on it. Because I want to live life to the fullest, because I feel that I owe it to all those who can't for whatever reason. I feel like I should feel thankful for everything I have, yes also for my lovehandles and my big nose;)

If you are open to seeing the small things in life, the beauty in your opposite, and can accept each others differences, I think you can be a happy and content human being. And maybe help some of the others who have difficulty seeing or adapting themselves. Help them live. Help them love. Help them be.

That is what I want. That is what I wish for. I don't want to be self-absorbed. I don't want to be negative and pessimist. I will always have an idealistic and realistic view on things. But that's me. And if you care about me enough to look beyond, you'll find my bigger than big heart, full of love, for you, and for all those who need it and accept it.

Thank you God. Thank you parents. Thank you soul, for letting me get this insight at this age. I'll try hard to make magic happen around me:)

R.I.P W., for all the love you have given, for the example you have been, for everything. I hope you look after us, wherever you are. Thank you for helping me come back to my homeland to heal my soul again and again. You've foreseen and you've known this maybe all along. We love you, and still miss you..

For all the loved ones we have lost, and miss so very much: we don't forget about you and one day we'll meet again:)

Look around you.. In every drop of rain, in every thunder storm.. In every ray of sunlight, in every flower, in every tree and in every living thing, there is life. Let's love it, let's take good care of it, let's cherish and enjoy it. For life was meant to be lived. Be it short, be it long, let's enjoy and hold on to it, let's let go when it's time. Let's love, because love is that one thing that makes everthing shine, when not mis-used.

With love,

S.Y.K.

Bäzi Weinachten

Together in the garden.. After a really grand cheese fondue..

How content and happy can one be. After a hot and sunny day, lots of laughter, lots of fun in the sun, there is absolutely nothing better than sitting in the garden, after a very nice dinner with friends, I cannot say more than that I am totally and utterly content and happy. Whenever I wake up, the window being open, the scent of summer in my dearly beloves Bernese Oberland reaches my nose and makes me thoroughly happy.

I cannot explain the feeling these smells give me.. It is a feeling of homecoming, of friends and family, of love and all the beautiful things this globe has to offer:) It is THE smell of summer, the hay which is just been cut, the faint sound of cowbells all around, and the stars are so close by, you feel like you could almost touch..

If only I could put a little bit of this scent in a jar and take it home with me..

:)

I genuinely wish that one day I can share this moment, this feeling with my best friends.

I love this place, I feel so good being here. It is almost as if I can go back to basics completely and realize exactly those things that are actually important in life. I wish that everyone could experience this kind of feeling at least once in their lives.. It brings so much humbleness and relaxation.. You have no idea:)

Tonight I saw a falling star twice, and I made a wish..

I wish I could explain how I feel about this country, the land, the pastures, the wheat, the corn, the cows with them authentic bells ringing all day and night, these spectacular views all around and the mountains.. The sun making everything even more impressing and the colours even more grand and beautiful..

If only now I could have had someone to love, we could have made ourselves a bed outside, under the starry skye, watch them fall together, smell the scents of the Swiss summer, have loving sex with the white snowed mountain tops in the background and the cowbells being the best, most humble soundtrack of life ever.. And after, been waken up by the sun who would gently kiss our skin in the morning..

That would be great:)

I could try and tell you all the stories and all my experiences of my stay here.. But it would be a waste, because even reading this makes me realize, that this country and my feelings for it can only really be understood if you know my complete background, my past, my now, and my plans and wishes for the future.. And you could never understand or get even a bit close to knowing what I saw..

Not even the pictures can bring it across, while I do not have a proper camera with the right lenses and ofcourse my non-exhistent technique;)

I love it here and hope to show you where I come from one day.. Be it in person, be it with pictures, paintings or whatever..

For now, bye!

S.Y.K.